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My First Foundry Mission

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BloodWyrm, Thu 11 Jan, 2018 12:22 AM
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    #1
    Hello there STO fleet members Smile I have published my first foundry mission. The title of it is Fairhaven Assimilation. Feel free to try it out rate it and leave your constructive criticism so i can improve on the mission to make it a possible spotlight mission in the future Smile
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    #2
    How hard is it to make foundery missions? I tried once, but was just way to complicated for me. That was back not long after the release of the Foundery.
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    #3
    To me it was not too hard to do basically drag and drop and test , rinse and repeat. There are a few area's that can be challenging such as making sure everything is solid and doesn't glitch into landscapes and such but for the most part it is easy as pie.
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    #4
    I might have to try it out sometime.
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    #5
    Where do you access your foundry mission? I will try it tonight.
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    #6
    Depending on time, I'll give it a shot this weekend EnterpriseB
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    #7
    If you can't see the mission on the main list you need to become a reviewer and then search for Fairhaven.
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    #8
    Hello Bloodwyrm!
    I just played your first foundry mission and it's nice to see you making a creative work in STO! But before it can become a possible spotlight mission I'm afraid there needs to be some more work to be done. Wink I put my comments in spoiler, so everybody has a chance then to see for themself the mission first before reading about it.


    When looking for the mission:
    When I choose a new foundry mission to play I wish to read a teaser introduction first. Like what's the situation and why is it interesting to play it? Any good foundry auther already creates here tension for the story to tell. Example like: "Starfleet Command sent the U.S.S. Fairhaven to planet X to do Y. She was just reporting in on her current situation when communications were suddenly scrambled and eventually lost entirely. Afraid of the worst, Person Z, approaches you with a request to bring the Fairhaven and her crew safely back."
    In a next paragraph you give some OOC information about the mission there as well. This includes the approx playtime length, the focus of the mission (combat, diplomacy, roleplay/sandbox, etc.) and special gear you should bring with you, which in your case are remodulators.

    When I'm about to accept the mission:
    "A noname cadet is asking me, a Captain / Admiral, to do some checking work on a starship? How he dares to waste my time! Don't you have some ♥♥♥♥y red squad cadets to ask for, who'll get eventually blown up in their ship, to do that work?!" <-- that was my thought in the beginning. What is my relationship with that cadet? Why should I feel inclined to listen to him and say yes and look for his sister other than for the sake of playing the mission? These question should be answered to make the immersion of the story better.

    I'm at wolf 359:
    So I find that shuttle that is leaking obviously some warp plasma. The Bolian science commander tells me the coordinates of the ship. Why he didn't already broadcast a distress signal? How he was able to escape the dangerous situation the Fairhaven was in? What happens to him and the shuttlecraft once I exit the map and transit to the next one? It feels to me that he's in a crippled shuttle and I either give him some engineers and equipment to help himself out or better I get him on my ship to treat him medically as well probably.

    I'm now at the coordinates the last contact gave me:
    I take it I didn't travel that far away from Wolf 359, because a shuttle can't go without help vast distances to be completly elsewhere. It's not believable that in deep Federation territory there's a big Borg structure (Unimatrix even?). It is not explained at all where I'm supposed to be and why this place is swarmed with Borg. I know I'm not friends with the Borg, but why is not explained at all first why I have to engage the borg first? My instinct tells me I should do first a sensor sweep to find the Fairhaven or whatever happened to her and then decide my next course of action. In your "Resistance is futile" quote you tell me the Borg know already of my presence and are on their way.
    The battle doesn't reflect this feeling though. You can make this better in letting some Borg ships warp in directly infront of me instead me seeking a rather big circle for 4 different groups of Borg ships.

    I'm at the Borg planet now:
    Ok, so the missing important person which is related to the cadet from the beginning contacted me and kinda asks for a pickup when the signal is again scrambled. Why I can't get to the position where the signal came from? Instead I'm on a planet with lots of borg tech on it. What's going on here? I have no clue why there's Borg spires everywhere. I have some Boffs, now would be a good time to make them say something about the current situation, as to imagine what's going on here and by this giving the player a clue what Fairhaven was probably up to here.
    So then I just randomly get ordered to kill Borg squads. This is really boring. Again I have also tricorder, can't I scan for survivors and just go to them directly? Can't I just avoid a confrontation with the Borg? Tell me why I have to fight the borg and especially have to seek them.
    The walks between the Squads feel long and the tension to tell a good story drops here for me lowest. Also the sudden huge numbers of each group are bothering. Why are so many Borg in a group? Do they do there something special or why I have to eliminate them. I don't like completing just random objective where I empty power cell after power cell of my phaser without sense and stretch the story to boringness. Good would be here to cut the rather long stretched fights short and better is to implement a choice to avoid Borg confrontation at all.

    I finally find the survivors:
    Whew ... after a felt half n hour later fighting countless Borg and wandering half around the planet I find the surviving group. They tell me about the Fairhaven and that there was maybe something important to do, but I don't get it what it is. I only receive on my end: "And the USS Fairhaven came here to do I don't know what". After all the trouble of fighting the Borg I don't get to know why I'm doing this here. This is a letdown and for me from story perspective the biggest flaw here. The story needs to tell me what the Fairhaven was doing, after all I'm a Captain or Admiral here.

    Inside the borg complexe:
    I get it to deactive a transporter inhibitor. This is kinda straight forward and this time there aren't long walks in between. But again the borg squads a numerous. It takes a little while to shoot them all down. This cut be made shorter as well to make the story telling better.

    I'm on my ship again:
    "Time to blow up some more Borg, yay!" ... wait, not so much yay. Again I need to seek and destroy Borg and I'm covering a rather larger area to get all groups. Seek and destroy doesn't fit me here. I prefer an ambush better, which is also more consistent with the BOFF talk I had earlier that the Borg are already giving trouble to my ship. At one point in fights I even flew agains the green planet with the ring, which was a really weird moment till I realized I hit a space wall. So the map layout become an issue, a funny one though. Smile This needs fixing.

    All Borg terminated, the End:
    Huh? Already over? There's no proper ending where the rescue party says in proper manner thank you to me and also the cadet in the beginning doesn't get to say thank you to me as well for killing tons of Borg.


    These are my comments. After looking on it myself, it kinda became long, but I try to give you a feedback how I see it and maybe you take some of the mentioned things as inspiration to improve your work.

    LLAP! Live Long and Prosper
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    #9
    Thank you for your constructive criticism!!! I will definitely be editing this mission to include much more story elements and fix some of the long drawn out fights and such. As this was my first mission i mainly focused on the bare bones of the mission. Now that i am learning the foundry editor i can definitely improve upon all the downsides of the mission you have pointed out for me Smile Once again Thank you kindly Smile