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Help with my Discovery characters bio

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Wallis, 4 Days Ago
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    #1
    Greetings all.

    Just wanted some advise on my Disco characters bio. I always like my characters to try and fit somewhere in Trek lore and
    for the last few weeks, I was picking my brains on what to come up with for my Vulcan Discovery toon.

    Any pointers or errors, please feel free to let me know.

    Name: Satak
    Age: 35
    Proffesion: Starfleet Tactical
    Current Command: Captain, U.S.S. Andor NCC-1023

    STARFLEET PERSONEL FILE 056/45/3-B.
    ACSSESS GRANTEShocked 2 AUTHORIZEATION CREY.PHILIP

    Satak was one of the few Vulcans to join starfleet and graduate at Sarfleet Academy. Satak along with Cadet Sylvia Tilly, Ian Known and Tamav were known amongst collegues and tutors at the Academy as 'The Class of 2256'. For his expertise in team leading and commanding abilitys, Satak was given the position of Commanding Officer aboard the U.S.S. Endevour under the command of Captain Anton Schaefer.

    After one of the rougher training cruises in Starfleet history, the crew of the Endevour responded to a distress call received from the S.S. Fortuna. Upon arriving to assist the S.S. Fortuna, the Endevour was ambushed by Klingon mauraders, in an attempt led by J'Ula, matriarch of the House of Mo'Kai and sister of Tukuvma, to steal vital information -at the time- regarding Starfleets top secret 'Mycilial tecnology' that was currently being implemented on two new Crossfield class starships, in an effort to turn the tide in Starfleets favour in the Klingon war. With the Endevours shields down, and weapon systems offline, the Endevour was borded.

    Captain Schaffer ordered the crew of cadets to repel the Klingon boarders, but was captured, and later killed by J'Ula. Second in command, Satak assumed the role of captain. Under the orders of acting captain Satak, Cadet Sylvia Tilly and Cadet Tamav managed to repair the ships sheild arrays and tactical systems, to repel the Klingon attack. The Endevour was later rescued by the U.S.S. Sebrova under the command of Captain Shran.

    After the attack on the U.S.S. Endevour, Cadet Sylvia Tilly was offered a position to join the crew of the Discovery, the second Crossfield class starship. Sylvia along with several others of the Class of 2256 were promoted and given persitions on various Starfleet ships. Gerry Lifeson, crewmate and former security cheif on board the Endevour who's life was saved by Satak during J'Ula's attack, later became Commander on board the U.S.S. Yeager, which was one of many starships that fort at the Battle at the Binary Stars in the mid 23rd Century.

    For bravery, saving his crew and preventing J'Ula's plan on stealing the Mycilial data, Satak was offered a position as Commander on board the Constitution clss starship U.S.S. Intrepid, NCC-1708. The Intrepid was one of many Starfleet vessels in service in the mid 23rd Century that, for the most part, the senior Bridge Officers consisted of Vulcans. Satak made a request to Admiral Terall, to offer his remaining bridge officers Cheif Engineer Tamav and security officer Coraline Fletcher, to join him onboard the Intrepid, and belived they deserved the same honor to join the crew on a Constitution class vessel, which at the time, were considered the pride of Starfleet. The request was granted.

    END LOG: STARDATE: 2256

    In 2268, Satak and the crew of the Intrepid were reported MIA, after Starbase One lost contact with the vessel. The Intrepid last reported in on its way to the Gamma 7A sector where it encounted an anomally of 'unkown origin'.


    END PROFILE.
    Reocord Editted by: Philip Crey, May 5 2409

    I still need to get my girlfriend to spell and grama check as my spelling is horrendous lol. Anyhow, any advice, alterations etc are more than welcome.

    Many thanks

    Ash


    "THAT'S A LOT OF FIRE POWER FOR AN EXCELSIOR CLASS SHIP"
    MILES O'BRIAN: PARADISE LOST
  1. Personnel Officer

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    #2
    Looking good so far Wallis! Fits quite well into the established Disco. Lore. However one inconsistency I noticed:
    Satak was given the position of Commanding Officer aboard the U.S.S. Endevour under the command of Captain Anton Schaefer.
    I’m not sure if you mean Executive Officer here? Commanding officer generally means The Captain of said vessel.

    Other than it its looking great
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    #3
    Looking good so far Wallis! Fits quite well into the established Disco. Lore. However one inconsistency I noticed:

    I’m not sure if you mean Executive Officer here? Commanding officer generally means The Captain of said vessel.

    Other than it its looking great
    Ahh of course. Lol, thanks for spotting that Solace. I couldnt think of the title and just had commander Riker in my head haha. Thank you though. Smile


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    #4
    Just posting to say you missed a great pun.

    "Help me Discover my Discovery Characters Bio"
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    #5
    Just posting to say you missed a great pun.

    "Help me Discover my Discovery Characters Bio"
    Oh my days, hahaha. I did not think of that. Brilliant!


    "THAT'S A LOT OF FIRE POWER FOR AN EXCELSIOR CLASS SHIP"
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    #6
    Nice to see you discovered your discovery character’s bio.
    o8XDof2 Vice Admiral Mack
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    #7
    Greetings all.

    Just wanted some advise on my Disco characters bio. I always like my characters to try and fit somewhere in Trek lore and
    for the last few weeks, I was picking my brains on what to come up with for my Vulcan Discovery toon.

    Any pointers or errors, please feel free to let me know.

    . . . (Personnel File here) . . .

    I still need to get my girlfriend to spell and grama check as my spelling is horrendous lol. Anyhow, any advice, alterations etc are more than welcome.

    Many thanks

    Ash
    I've gone ahead and made a spelling and grammar check for you!




    Name: Satak
    Age: 35
    Profession : Starfleet Tactical
    Current Command : Captain, U.S.S. Andor NCC-1023

    STARFLEET PERSONNEL FILE 056/45/3-B.
    ACCESS GRANTED : AUTHORIZATION CREY.PHILIP


    Satak was one of the few Vulcans to join Starfleet and graduate at Sarfleet Academy. Satak along with Cadet Sylvia Tilly, Ian Known and Tamav were known amongst colleges and tutors at the Academy as 'The Class of 2256'. For his expertise in team leading and commanding abilities, Satak was given the position of Executive Officer aboard the U.S.S. Endevour under the command of Captain Anton Schaefer.

    After one of the rougher training cruises in Starfleet history, the crew of the Endevour responded to a distress call received from the S.S. Fortuna. Upon arriving to assist the S.S. Fortuna, the Endevour was ambushed by Klingon marauders, in an attempt led by J'Ula, matriarch of the House of Mo'Kai and sister of Tukuvma, to steal vital information -at the time- regarding Starfleet's top secret 'Mycelial Technology'. This technology was currently being implemented on two new Crossfield class starships in an effort to turn the tide in Starfleet's favor in the Klingon War. With the Endevour's shields down and weapon systems offline, the Endevour was boarded.

    Captain Schaffer ordered the crew of cadets to repel the Klingon boarders, but was captured, and later killed by J'Ula. Second in command, Satak assumed the role of captain. Under the orders of acting captain Satak, Cadet Sylvia Tilly and Cadet Tamav managed to repair the ships shield arrays and tactical systems to repel the Klingon attack. The Endevour was later rescued by the U.S.S. Sebrova under the command of Captain Shran.

    After the attack on the U.S.S. Endevour, Cadet Sylvia Tilly was offered a position to join the crew of the Discovery, one of the two Crossfield class starships. Sylvia along with several others of the Class of 2256 were promoted and given positions on various Starfleet ships. Gerry Lifeson, crewmate and former security chief on board the Endevour who's life was saved by Satak during J'Ula's attack, later became Commander on board the U.S.S. Yeager, which was one of many starships that fort at the Battle at the Binary Stars in the mid 23rd Century.

    For bravery, saving his crew and preventing J'Ula's plan on stealing the Mycelial data, Satak was offered a position as Commander on board the Constitution class starship U.S.S. Intrepid, NCC-1708. The Intrepid was one of many Starfleet vessels in service in the mid 23rd Century that, for the most part, the senior Bridge Officers consisted of Vulcans. Satak made a request to Admiral Terall, to offer his remaining bridge officers Chief Engineer Tamav and security officer Caroline Fletcher, to join him on board the Intrepid, and believed they deserved the same honor to join the crew on a Constitution class vessel, which at the time, were considered the pride of Starfleet. The request was granted.

    END LOG: STARDATE: 2256

    In 2268, Satak and the crew of the Intrepid were reported MIA, after Starbase One lost contact with the vessel. The Intrepid last reported in on its way to the Gamma 7A sector where it encounted an anomaly of 'unknown origin'.


    END PROFILE.
    Record Edited by: Philip Crey, May 5 2409
    Asteropax
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    #8
    I like this format, may I use it for mine?
    Rellimie
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    #9
    I've gone ahead and made a spelling and grammar check for you!




    Name: Satak
    Age: 35
    Profession : Starfleet Tactical
    Current Command : Captain, U.S.S. Andor NCC-1023

    STARFLEET PERSONNEL FILE 056/45/3-B.
    ACCESS GRANTED : AUTHORIZATION CREY.PHILIP


    Satak was one of the few Vulcans to join Starfleet and graduate at Sarfleet Academy. Satak along with Cadet Sylvia Tilly, Ian Known and Tamav were known amongst colleges and tutors at the Academy as 'The Class of 2256'. For his expertise in team leading and commanding abilities, Satak was given the position of Executive Officer aboard the U.S.S. Endevour under the command of Captain Anton Schaefer.

    After one of the rougher training cruises in Starfleet history, the crew of the Endevour responded to a distress call received from the S.S. Fortuna. Upon arriving to assist the S.S. Fortuna, the Endevour was ambushed by Klingon marauders, in an attempt led by J'Ula, matriarch of the House of Mo'Kai and sister of Tukuvma, to steal vital information -at the time- regarding Starfleet's top secret 'Mycelial Technology'. This technology was currently being implemented on two new Crossfield class starships in an effort to turn the tide in Starfleet's favor in the Klingon War. With the Endevour's shields down and weapon systems offline, the Endevour was boarded.

    Captain Schaffer ordered the crew of cadets to repel the Klingon boarders, but was captured, and later killed by J'Ula. Second in command, Satak assumed the role of captain. Under the orders of acting captain Satak, Cadet Sylvia Tilly and Cadet Tamav managed to repair the ships shield arrays and tactical systems to repel the Klingon attack. The Endevour was later rescued by the U.S.S. Sebrova under the command of Captain Shran.

    After the attack on the U.S.S. Endevour, Cadet Sylvia Tilly was offered a position to join the crew of the Discovery, one of the two Crossfield class starships. Sylvia along with several others of the Class of 2256 were promoted and given positions on various Starfleet ships. Gerry Lifeson, crewmate and former security chief on board the Endevour who's life was saved by Satak during J'Ula's attack, later became Commander on board the U.S.S. Yeager, which was one of many starships that fort at the Battle at the Binary Stars in the mid 23rd Century.

    For bravery, saving his crew and preventing J'Ula's plan on stealing the Mycelial data, Satak was offered a position as Commander on board the Constitution class starship U.S.S. Intrepid, NCC-1708. The Intrepid was one of many Starfleet vessels in service in the mid 23rd Century that, for the most part, the senior Bridge Officers consisted of Vulcans. Satak made a request to Admiral Terall, to offer his remaining bridge officers Chief Engineer Tamav and security officer Caroline Fletcher, to join him on board the Intrepid, and believed they deserved the same honor to join the crew on a Constitution class vessel, which at the time, were considered the pride of Starfleet. The request was granted.

    END LOG: STARDATE: 2256

    In 2268, Satak and the crew of the Intrepid were reported MIA, after Starbase One lost contact with the vessel. The Intrepid last reported in on its way to the Gamma 7A sector where it encounted an anomaly of 'unknown origin'.


    END PROFILE.
    Record Edited by: Philip Crey, May 5 2409
    Ahh thank you so much. Really appreciate that. And of course Rellimie.


    "THAT'S A LOT OF FIRE POWER FOR AN EXCELSIOR CLASS SHIP"
    MILES O'BRIAN: PARADISE LOST