[Silynn]

With my last post, Max is now our NEW XO in story! We also have a brand new member in Kiflin! please welcome him to the group!!

Why or How is "Max" promoted to XO? On ARES, there are many officers more senior to him and in positions that would be candidates before Max.

Isn't Max an Operations Lieutenant? Why aren't we following any rhyme or sense of believability here. Max is the absolute worst choice, character wise. He actually 'yawned' when Cushing was announced dead. That's a fitting First Officer?

I'm really not a fan of this Storm-plot (father a super Starfleet Rogue, Grandpa with grand designs, Mom a captain now entering the fray to battle her husband).

I think you are forgetting that the "MAIN" characters should be the "MEMBERS" who are writing. This isn't the "ARES CO" story. It is a story for the members to work together and weave a story with each other. We, the members, are not characters in YOUR personal story.

I'm pretty much done, as I cannot continue to read what is going on.

I apologize if this sounds like a rant, but it is my personal opinion as a long-standing member of ARES. So take it as that or brush it off as just that buzzing sound of a bee flying about.

[Josh Broughm]

I'm going to take the week off posting, as Slynn made me realize I UTTERLY hamfisted Max's story & made it take over the RP. I apologizes for this & I didn't know I was doing it.

Thanks Slynn for giving me a good kick.

[Krajin]

I would strongly suggest, as I am catching up on reading. That we look at getting a PC promoted into the position of XO. Rather than an NPC. an Executive Officer is usually promoted from the rank of Lieutenant Commander (To Commander) Or from a Commander. We got plenty of PCs around who could fit the bill (Not mine, KDF Exchange Officer and all!) If need be why don't we discuss it?

I can see on a rare occasion a Lieutenant being bumped up on the rarest of occasions to fill a role. But yeah.

[Kiflin]

I have only been here a brief time. But in such case to pogo off of Kajin's opinion... It would seem that Chief Tactical Officer Lt. Commander Taquin played by Logicalleopard would be a logical choice. No pun intended.

[Silynn]

I'm not trying to detract or derail ARES. In fact, I have invested A LOT of time and effort that I *do* want to see it succeed.

However, I have not seen any real movement on that front. Perhaps it is my perception, as I am not privy to any of the staff discussions. I'm just basing my opinions and thoughts from what I have read. In the various "discussions" threads and based on the postings of the story.

The following is based on my thoughts alone, as I do not know if others feel the same.

First. The Delivery... i.e. Grammar/Syntax. The ideas may be creative and amazing, but if your writing is illegible as it forces the reader to try to decipher and make sense of what you wrote... you have failed. This isn't a story you are texting over chat. This isn't a story on a facebook blog. This is a story on a Star Trek community site *about* Star Trek. I believe there is a level of quality that should be met, it isn't high... but it shouldn't be such that people refuse or stop reading after a few words.

1A: AMPERSAND Use the *word* "and" and stop using the ampersand ("&") incorrectly. The ampersand ("&") is not a universal replacement for "and". I've brought this up before, but it was completely brushed off. That may be a habit from using it (incorrectly mind you) in texts on your phone. Yet for story writing or any proper writing, use "and" (spelled out like that).

Rules on Ampersand per basic writing rules:
First Rule: Generally, don’t use the ampersand in regular text, headings or titles as a replacement for and. Just don’t—except as noted in the second rule.

Second Rule: Limit ampersand use to these few situations:

• Proper nouns like company names, e.g., “Crown & Co.” (note: spaces are used here).
• When logos, titles, or names contain the mark as a design element.
• In titles of creative works such as novels, songs, and albums. In film credits for stories, screenplays, etc., & indicates a closer collaboration than and. The Writers Guild of America uses & to denote two writers collaborating on a specific script.
• Inside tables or parentheses when space is limited.
• In common shorthand expressions like “R&D,” “rock & roll,” or “country & western.”
• The ampersand can be used to indicate that the “and” in a listed item is a part of the item’s name and not a separator (e.g. “Rock, pop, rhythm & blues and hip hop”).
• In names that are themselves abbreviations, like “AT&T” or “A&W” (note: no spaces are used here).
• In citations when the source has more than one author, use an ampersand to connect the last two (Smith, Greene & Jones, 200. Some style guides (APA) recommend using the ampersand here while others (Chicago Manual of Style and The MLA Style Manual) write out “and.”
• When identifying more than one addressee: “Mr. & Mrs. Pitcairn, or Judy & David Pitcairn.”
• The phrase et cetera (“and so forth”), commonly written as etc., is also properly abbreviated &c. — representing the combination et + c(etera).

I admit, I'm being a bit over the top in listing this out. But this is paramount in my opinion. Following this guideline for writing and one's writing will improve.

1B: Paragraph Composition:
A paragraph should have one topic sentence, a few supporting sentences, and a conclusion sentence. If you group too many topics, the paragraph point tends to get jumbled.

Creative Writing sources in regards to fiction writing (general, fanfic, etc), seems to suggest 1-8 sentences a graph. Also, paragraphs should end when the voice changes, time changes, something new is introduced, a setting changes, the "camera" moves, or basically something new is happening. That allows the reader's mind to absorb your details and grasp your points better.

Grouping eight different characters talking in a single paragraph is a jumbled mess.

Ex: Bob walks into the room and waves. "Hey everyone!" "Hi Bob," replies Mary. "What's happening, Mary?" retorts Bob. John notices Bob and walks over, "Hi Bob, when did you get here?" "Bob, I'm doing fine," replies Mary. "Yo John!" says Bob. Tom pushes away from his desk and grins. "Yo! It's Bob-er-ino! In the flesh!!!" Laughter erupts in the room. "Can you all keep it down? I'm on a call." Susan was livid. She never liked Bob as he was lazy and only made a show of things. "Oh Bob, never mind Susan... she's always that way," stated Steve. Bob reflected on things and wondered if Susan disliked him.

What a mess? The reader can be very confused with it all, wondering who is whom. Or even what was even the point of all.

I will be very bluntly honest. If a thread is an eye-bleed mess or written in bad syntax (def: the arrangement of words and phrases to create well-formed sentences in a language), I will not even read it. As writers, we have to understand that we may have the greatest ideas or whatnot, but if we can *not* convey that to the reader in such a fashion where they will *read* it... we have failed.

Second and critically a foremost: Inclusion of Members. I know I said this in the prior post above. Yet, I'll add some constructive criticism here. The heart and soul of the entire ARES Project are its members. If you are in a position of leadership (CL4 or CL5) for the story, it is *your* mandate to be more forthwith in getting members involved or included in the story. Being in the staff position doesn't mean you are writing for yourself and taking the plot in your own personal direction without regard for the other member-writers.

If you want to write your own plot/story, then who is manning the position of "Director" or "Facilitator" for the story? You are missing the basic premise of being in that position. I see it as a basic issue of 'wanting your cake and eating it too'. It's nigh-impossible to do both satisfactory.

If you are so immersed in the thrill of your own personal story plot, how can you include others, besides in a 'support' role. In addition to that, how would other potential or new members feel in regards to getting introduced into the plot and story?

In fact, we had have a brand new person join. From what I saw, they reached out (i.e. initiated on their own) to get started. Did anyone reach out to include them in anything? I did and am (currently on a JP with them). I just threw it out there, spoke to them on the side via PMs, and got it started. There are other new members that joined prior to Kiflin. Do you know who they are? Has anyone reached out to them from the CL5 and CL4 side to grab them by the shirt and pull them into the story? Please reflect deeply on that, if you want ARES to grow and be healthy again.

Whew. I think I have said enough.

Am I in a bad mood? No. I'm actually disheartened. Maybe I was 'too nice' or 'sugared coated things too much" when I raised some concerns. Yet, I become *very* vocal when I stop caring or dispassionate about something. Thus, when I do, I will say my piece and that will be the last I will say on the matter.

As I have been saying a lot lately, to a lot of different folks... take it, ignore it, do whatever you feel you need to do with the above.

Lastly, I sincerely apologize to anyone if I hurt your personal feelings. It is *not* my intention to do so, but I was not going to mince words or sugar coat things any longer.

[Three of Seven]

There are other new members that joined prior to Kiflin. Do you know who they are? Has anyone reached out to them from the CL5 and CL4 side to grab them by the shirt and pull them into the story? Please reflect deeply on that, if you want ARES to grow and be healthy again.

Sounds like you should consider a role with Ares, it's easy to be critical from the outside, you are clearly, passionate, so maybe you should take the step to jump in & be the change in the division that you want to see.

[Silynn]

Sounds like you should consider a role with Ares, it's easy to be critical from the outside, you are clearly, passionate, so maybe you should take the step to jump in & be the change in the division that you want to see.

I am not understanding your comment, Three. Are you saying that I am not involved with ARES already?

Or that I have not been active enough to be critical as an "outsider" within ARES?

[Three of Seven]

I am not understanding your comment, Three. Are you saying that I am not involved with ARES already?

Or that I have not been active enough to be critical as an "outsider" within ARES?

Yeah I think you are misunderstanding my comment, I am making the suggestion that you take a role with Ares staff to help guide it. I remember when I was critical of the way STO banks were run back in the day, so I applied to be a quartermaster to push the changes I wanted to see.

[Josh Broughm]

Sounds like you should consider a role with Ares, it's easy to be critical from the outside, you are clearly, passionate, so maybe you should take the step to jump in & be the change in the division that you want to see.

Three has a point & I should've picked a PC as XO. I think I got a little bit overzealous with the story. AS FOR MY WRITING STYLE.....Its been like that.....God.....since i started doing this over on HoloFed.(WOW, I REALLY am dating myself)

Slynn, I completely understand your frustration and I do appreciate getting the swift kick in the a** I needed to see what was going down. I'm not embarrassed to say this...
I Need Help.

[Three of Seven]

Three has a point & I should've picked a PC as XO. I think I got a little bit overzealous with the story. AS FOR MY WRITING STYLE.....Its been like that.....God.....since i started doing this over on HoloFed.(WOW, I REALLY am dating myself)

Slynn, I completely understand your frustration and I do appreciate getting the swift kick in the a** I needed to see what was going down. I'm not embarrassed to say this...
I Need Help.

I don't really understand text roleplay, dyslexia makes it more a chore than enjoyable, but I think it's good that you are open to criticism, and willing to take steps.

I don't think writing style should be too important so long as it's getting the story across, and people are enjoying it, the main aim for a roleplay is to have fun, so it's best to not be too strict on style, unless roleplay was all we did at the UFP, then I could understand style guides, and such.

I think people who have put time into characters, and developed them into model officers should get rewarded with senior roles where possible, unless they want to be a Harry Kim!

[Kiflin]

Three has a point & I should've picked a PC as XO. I think I got a little bit overzealous with the story. AS FOR MY WRITING STYLE.....Its been like that.....God.....since i started doing this over on HoloFed.(WOW, I REALLY am dating myself)

Slynn, I completely understand your frustration and I do appreciate getting the swift kick in the a** I needed to see what was going down. I'm not embarrassed to say this...
I Need Help.

We are all here ready to assist you, Josh. Lets do the work together.

[Josh Broughm]

We are all here ready to assist you, Josh. Lets do the work together.

I'm appreciative of any help i can get.

I have so many ideas that I want to put out.

[Josh Broughm]

....Speaking of ideas.....Three(GLORIOUS LEADER) has set up a Discord room for us in the UFP's discord server. I'm on the app throughout the day & I'm easily reachable if a problem pokes up.

As for story progression, I want to sunset Max's time on the Ares, but I'm at odds as to how to go about it. This would end Chapter 4 & put us on a new story arc.

My ideas are:
A) Max goes into a bout of self doubt. Hasn't reported to duty in about four days & when security finds him, he's on the holodeck at the family ranch with a bottle of whiskey. Security is advised not to interfere & Capt. Jones, that day, gets a letter of resignation and attempts to talk him out of it. At this point, he's very nearly sober & says the letter was made well before he boarded. He then arises, hands her the badge and leaves the ship...leaving a gift in his quarters for the Captain.

B) Max is forced transferred to the Athena under his aunt's watch by Starfleet Command. The athena is then assigned to patrol Sol sector.

Been thinking about this for a few days.

[WelshAvenger]

Hey all, just passing by. Surgery went as well as they expected and also, as expected, chemo kicks my ass each time.

My $0.02 here..

Josh, Max is your guy so you write him out however you feel is best. I would encourage you to write him out in such a way as you can revisit him again if needed. Not every ending has to be a bad one and he'd make a valuable NPC resource in future episodes. You could always have Starfleet Command turn down the Captain's recommendation for promotion to Commander (He was recently raised to Lt. Cmdr so this isn't a stretch). They could also put a caveat on it that they can see the value of Max as an officer but they're going to give him a chance to get more experience by making him the 2nd Officer on a patrol boat or send him to the academy for command training before assigning him to a vessel.

Discord sounds like a great resource to get together (time zones permitting) and hammer out JP's, current and future plots.

As for formatting and style of posts, we do have a guide for how to format each post so that players can refer to it before submitting a post. Their style of writing is a different matter. ARES has a team of simulation officers who can help players to develop their writing by offering suggestions and examples of previous posts, (seriously, there's like a thousand choices), so that they have something to inspire them.

Anyway, that's all I have the energy for right now.

Have fun.

[Josh Broughm]

Hey all, just passing by. Surgery went as well as they expected and also, as expected, chemo kicks my ass each time.

HELL YEAH DUDE!!

My $0.02 here..

Josh, Max is your guy so you write him out however you feel is best. I would encourage you to write him out in such a way as you can revisit him again if needed. Not every ending has to be a bad one and he'd make a valuable NPC resource in future episodes. You could always have Starfleet Command turn down the Captain's recommendation for promotion to Commander (He was recently raised to Lt. Cmdr so this isn't a stretch). They could also put a caveat on it that they can see the value of Max as an officer but they're going to give him a chance to get more experience by making him the 2nd Officer on a patrol boat or send him to the academy for command training before assigning him to a vessel.

That's.....something I never thought of. Feverously writes notes down.

Discord sounds like a great resource to get together (time zones permitting) and hammer out JP's, current and future plots.

I've been wanting this for us for a good bit. I just didn't know how to proceeded..ASIDE FROM JUST ASKING. LOL

As for formatting and style of posts, we do have a guide for how to format each post so that players can refer to it before submitting a post. Their style of writing is a different matter. ARES has a team of simulation officers who can help players to develop their writing by offering suggestions and examples of previous posts, (seriously, there's like a thousand choices), so that they have something to inspire them.

I should've stuck to the style I had. It seems a bit better than what I am doing now.

Anyway, that's all I have the energy for right now.

Have fun.

Take care, bud.