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Old Timer Comebacks

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WhiteMountain65, Sat 30 Oct, 2021 10:40 AM
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    • Kiflin
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    #1
    As a kid I grew up listening to a guy named Allan Sherman, and his most famous song "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah". Please enjoy.

    https://youtu.be/4yFTOvO0utY

    He came out with a sequel some time later, which I only discovered a few years ago.

    https://youtu.be/7pp8sFe7APg

    Though Allan Sherman is no longer with us, I believe this is the final song in the trilogy that he would have done, had he survived to this day.

    https://youtu.be/2Wles7567ig

    Shabbat Shalom (Peaceful Sabbath) to you all.

    Spoiler Alert!

    O.K., so maybe not a spoiler, but for those of you who are not either Members of the Tribe nor from a country with a Germanic/Yiddish-based language.

    Translations for terms in the last song:

    Tchotchkes - Small decorative objects
    Momzers - Bastards
    Machers - man/woman of action , doer (You know, like Tom Cruise's character by the end of "Risky Business", for those old enough but not too senile (like me) to remember that far back without Google to bolster said memory).
    Altakakhers - "old farts", Elderly person, old-timer; "A crotchety, fussy, ineffectual old person"
    Kvetcher / Kvetching - Complainer / complaining
    Schmooze - to talk informally with someone, especially in a way that is not sincere or to win some advantage for one's self
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    #2
    Keeping in the vein of good, old Jewish humor, please have a glass tea and enjoy.

    A JEWISH WIFE'S UNEXPECTED ARRIVAL AT HOME …

    Yankele's wife Feige came home early and found Yankele in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
    Feige was upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children!
    I'm leaving you. I want a Get (Jewish divorce) right away!'
    And Yankele replied, 'Hang on just a minute Feige so at least I can tell you what happened.'
    'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
    And Yankele began -- 'Vell, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift.
    She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took rachmones [pity] on her and let her into the car.
    I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
    So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the lockshen kugel I made for you last night, the food you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
    The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
    Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer outfit that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say it’s too tight.
    I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
    I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Chanukah that you don't wear just to annoy her,
    and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'
    Yankele took a quick breath and continued -
    'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, '
    Please, Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

    - - - Updated - - -

    And from our oriental relations comes the following list of wise sayings.

    Confucius Did Not Say:
    >
    > Man who want pretty nurse must be patient
    >
    > Passionate kiss, like spider web, often lead to undoing of fly.
    >
    > Lady who go camping with man must beware of evil intent.
    >
    > Squirrel who run up woman's leg will not find nuts.
    >
    > Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.
    >
    > Man who run in front of car get tired, but man who run behind car get exhausted.
    >
    > Man who eat many prunes get good run for his money.
    >
    > War not determine who is right; war determine who is left.
    >
    > Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
    >
    > It take many nails to build a crib, but take only one screw to fill it.
    >
    > Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
    >
    > Man who stand on toilet get high on pot.
    >
    > Wise man do not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.
    >
    > Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
    >
    > And Finally, Confucius Did Not Say. ..
    >
    > "A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood."