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Posted Sat 05 Mar, 2011 10:15 AM
I quite enjoyed that story actually. The odd bit seemed a little clunky or rushed, but that's why you have re-writes right? Haha. But yeah, it made me want to read more and find out what happens to the kid. Far better than anything than I can write that's for sure!
Don't know if it will help you at all but I picked up on a couple of errors:
Missing word - p2 last paragraph "wanted for it all to BE a lie"
Typo - p3 2nd para "my life IS over thanks to you"
Inconsistency - p3 half-way down "Jared recoiled from her hand."??
This sentence didn't make sense to me grammatically, but I could be reading it wrong - p4 bottom of the page "But jumping from my hometown to... wherever here is exhausted you."
"Like a thousand other commanders on a thousand other battlefields, I wait for the dawn." Cpt. Picard, STX:Nemesis
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Posted Sat 05 Mar, 2011 12:44 PM
Haha. Thanks Soundwave! I really appreciate the corrections. And yup - there will have to be a lot of re-writes in order to make the novel even close to a standard that any publisher would look at. But that's life.
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Posted Sat 05 Mar, 2011 1:23 PM