Dad Jokes

Palechimera · Posted Wed 04 Mar, 2020 2:35 AM

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

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When I first used an elevator it was really uplifting!
But then it let me down.

Silek · Posted Wed 04 Mar, 2020 2:48 AM

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

Palechimera · Posted Wed 04 Mar, 2020 3:08 AM

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.
But it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

Silek · Posted Wed 04 Mar, 2020 3:55 AM

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador

redbaaron · Posted Wed 04 Mar, 2020 10:36 PM

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I picked up my things and right.

Bedders · Posted Wed 04 Mar, 2020 10:45 PM

A photon goes to check in at the airport.
The baggage handler asks "Any luggage to check?"
The photon replies "No thanks, I'm travelling light."

Bedders · Posted Wed 04 Mar, 2020 10:47 PM

I once tried dating a tree. She told me to Spruce myself up a bit.

I ordered 4 Kindles from Amazon. They sent me a Two Ronnies DVD.

On the way home today the gritters were out and spread salt all over my car.
I swore at them, but it was through gritted teeth.

My friend owns a DeLorean! It's fantastic. I asked her if she uses it much, but she says she only drives it from time to time.

Petrarch · Posted Wed 04 Mar, 2020 10:48 PM

I have many jokes about paper, but they're all tearable.

WelshAvenger · Posted Wed 04 Mar, 2020 11:08 PM

Would you like to hear a joke about Sodium? Na, I'm good.

Sul-Matuul · Posted Wed 04 Mar, 2020 11:17 PM

My friend told me that if he ever goes bald he’s getting rabbits tattooed on his head, from a distance they’ll look like hares.

Petrarch · Posted Wed 04 Mar, 2020 11:44 PM

I dreamed about swimming in an ocean made out of orange last night. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.

A French cheese factory exploded. Da brie is everywhere.

The spade was a truly ground-breaking invention.

I went to the zoo the other day, but it only had a single dog. It was a shihtzu.

2 melons wanted to get married in secret, but it turns out they cantaloupe.

You shouldn't tell Dad jokes if you're not a Dad, as it's something of a faux pa.

WelshAvenger · Posted Thu 05 Mar, 2020 12:28 AM

Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium hooked up? I was like OMg!

Palechimera · Posted Thu 05 Mar, 2020 1:49 AM

When I first used an elevator it was really uplifting!
But then it let me down.

Taku · Posted Wed 19 Aug, 2020 3:40 AM

Dad 1: I've got ants!
Dad 2: So do I, but my ants are taller than yours.

Dad 1: I also have this tube of glue.
Dad 2: And I have this gallon tin of glue.

Dad 1: I've got bread!
Dad 2: You win... I can't handle that bread, what with my glue tin 'n taller ants.

Rockape · Posted Wed 21 Dec, 2022 3:23 PM

When you suffer with Insomnia and Amnesia...

You know something is keeping you awake, but can't think what the hell it is.

Dad Jokes

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Tour of Duty

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Well Respected

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Poster Child

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Two Factored

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Commendation

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Editor-and-Chief

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The Mad House

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Academic Inclination

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Engage

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Paragon of Duty

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Dean’s List

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Ensign

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Starfleet's Finest

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Old School Gamer

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Engage

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Set Phasers To Frag

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Holodeck Commanding Officer

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Tour of Duty

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Set Phasers To Frag

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Dedicated

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To Boldly Go On and On