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Post ID: 434694
#16
Posted Thu 14 Jan, 2021 11:12 PM
I have no idea if it was your intention when you wrote it but i really felt angry at the man and wanted to jump in, and throw a few punches at the father. I wanted to protect Jei and felt... i don't know... i felt... that's what i'm trying to say. It got to me.
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#17
Posted Fri 15 Jan, 2021 3:51 AM
It's all good Deuzige, Jei has the Chief Medical Officer on her side and that's better than having all of section 31 with her.
Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo.
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Post ID: 434705
#18
Posted Fri 15 Jan, 2021 6:07 AM
I have no idea if it was your intention when you wrote it but i really felt angry at the man and wanted to jump in, and throw a few punches at the father. I wanted to protect Jei and felt... i don't know... i felt... that's what i'm trying to say. It got to me.
Well, I was hoping to elicit emotions from the reader... yes. Anger, empathy, sadness, etc. Nevertheless, what ever you felt, I *assure* you that a certain Chief Medical Officer will feel 100x more anger. ![Wink Wink](./images/smilies/wink.png)
It's all good Deuzige, Jei has the Chief Medical Officer on her side and that's better than having all of section 31 with her.
Lol. See? ![Smile Smile](./images/smilies/smile.png)
This next part is going to through you for a loop.
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#19
Posted Fri 15 Jan, 2021 12:14 PM
This next part is going to through you for a loop.
I sooooo want Sam or Max to just walk by while S*** goes down.
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#20
Posted Sun 17 Jan, 2021 3:00 AM
It is hard as the reader to sit idly by as something like that happens. Really gnaws on your insides. More to come.
Thanks. Not particularly easy to write, as it is a tough scene. Jei is not the young barely into her teens girl anymore. If any recall how she is as an engineering technician and the other "trouble" she has caused... you are seeing the direct root from where it began. Her childhood.
![Smile Smile](./images/smilies/smile.png)
*whispers* Joffrey, Cersei, Ilyn Payne, the Mountain, the Hound, Ser Meryn, Polliver, Byung Jin Han, Jin Han.....
- - - Updated - - -
You took the words right out of my mouth....er... fingers.... keyboard...
whatever
I'm very much impressed with that post! If that's the quality level these days, i better step up my game!
Awesome post Slynn!!
You're doing great! Schrit and his son going around fanboying and running into Kira is both hilarious and sweet!
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#21
Posted Sun 17 Jan, 2021 5:53 AM
You're doing great! Schrit and his son going around fanboying and running into Kira is both hilarious and sweet!
I really liked the small touches that you added in the holosuite. It made it totally immersive with the "Star Trek version" of "Pop-Up" ads. Lol'd in rl when Biiq's decided to pay the premium for 'ad-free' holosuite time.
Totally, imagined Quark including that knowing he'd increase his profits another 10% for doing nothing. Either way from the ad fees charged to merchants for their ad time or people paying the premium for 'ad-free'. Very nice touch with that.
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Posted Sun 17 Jan, 2021 7:36 AM
I really liked the small touches that you added in the holosuite. It made it totally immersive with the "Star Trek version" of "Pop-Up" ads. Lol'd in rl when Biiq's decided to pay the premium for 'ad-free' holosuite time.
Totally, imagined Quark including that knowing he'd increase his profits another 10% for doing nothing. Either way from the ad fees charged to merchants for their ad time or people paying the premium for 'ad-free'. Very nice touch with that.
![Smile Smile](./images/smilies/smile.png)
Thank you! I was having a conversation the other day on whether or not modern day humans are worse than the Ferengi. We'd definitely put ads in a holosute, so I figured, why wouldn't Quark? I started writing this scene a looooooong time ago, and it was going to take place on the Ares, but when working on the latter half, I figured it was a fun way to make sure it was evident that they were on DS9. I had to go back and correct it, because when I wrote the first part, it was at night, and the rest was at sunset! Whoops!
Really enjoying Jei's backstory, and I'm hate-loving her family! Very realistic, so much that I'm really hoping they'll get what's coming to them. Byung Jin is just such a model abuser....the hug and kiss with the backhanded compliment was a great touch. Its like he measures out just enough physical affection with the abuse, so the abused thinks, "Hey, he really does love me, I just need to do better."
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Posted Sun 17 Jan, 2021 8:48 PM
–
Last edited by Silynn; Sun 17 Jan, 2021 8:51 PM.
Ads. Truly a great way to connect the reader and pull them into the immersion. As everyone can relate to them. Via they be pop-up ads we get while browsing to some webpage to read content, free streaming video (Youtube, I'm looking at you!), etc. It is a facet of life.
Add that to a pivotal and important private moment between two close friends, lovers, with a romantic back drop from the holosuite... such contrast that it just made things feel even more real. Perfect touch.
Flaws. Personal flaws in particular... I love characters with them. They may be total a-holes that you don't want anything to do with in real life. But as a reader (or viewer depending on the medium), I find flawed characters have more depth and personality instead of being a cardboard cutout. They are memorable and at times, makes one wonder 'why' or 'how' they became like that. Or even, if they are redeemable or totally broken.
The heroes or heroines with flaws take this to another level. They feel more human, more relatable. As let's face it, when you read (or watch) your hero/heroine, you want to be able to imagine yourselves in their shoes. Who doesn't want to be a hero/heroine? ![Smile Smile](./images/smilies/smile.png)
Jei's father... is deeply flawed. He is an s.o.b. for certain. Like Lieutenant Barron, and others of his like, were they born that way or became that one due to the product of their environment, influence, or a string of hard on the psyche events? Look at Miles O'Brien, he had an extremely hard view on Cardassians due to very strong on his psyche event with them as a young starfleet crewman. Many in the Federation suffered greatly and deeply from the Dominion War that some still feel strongly about them. I can't speak for alien psyche, but as a human I know that we are extremely flawed and often allow our emotions (desires) to drive us.
I aim to illustrate that more and hope you all enjoy it.
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Posted Mon 18 Jan, 2021 2:01 AM
See now I know that Christopher's blood is going to boil. It's a good job that this isn't the Disavowed storyline as Jei's father's shuttle would have a catastrophic failure in it's guidance system and fly into the sun. After the occupants had heard a recorded message from Christopher, of course.
Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo.
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Posted Mon 18 Jan, 2021 3:35 AM
![Smile Smile](./images/smilies/smile.png)
I promise, Chris will get a part in this at a future time. It will be interesting to see how that will play out.
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Posted Mon 18 Jan, 2021 10:03 AM
–
Last edited by Josh Broughm; Mon 18 Jan, 2021 12:24 PM.
Slynn, your writing is *CHEF'S KISS*!
I'm going to do a small post with Sam & Akyv, watching a...CRETAIN MOVIE...that will lead to another JP, this time with Akyv & Mariella to expand on their(sam & Mariella's) relationship.
EDIT: Post is up. Looking at the end sentence....I think I did a 'Netflix & chill' ending WITHOUT Noticing. ![Tongue Out Tongue Out](./images/smilies/tongue_3.png)
![Tongue Out Tongue Out](./images/smilies/tongue_3.png)
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Posted Thu 21 Jan, 2021 11:45 PM
Thanks Welsh for post that up.
From what I've been read, Everyone's doing a great job. WELL DONE!!!
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Posted Tue 26 Jan, 2021 1:31 PM
I got one up! Not as good as some of the other scenes written but a start!
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Posted Tue 26 Jan, 2021 8:09 PM
I got one up! Not as good as some of the other scenes written but a start!
"Then.. his face met the bar once and he must of liked it that much his face met it again a couple of times."
I laughed right out loud. Well done!
Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo.
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Posted Sun 31 Jan, 2021 7:13 PM
deZugie(sp?) Check your PMs please.