[Emmy]

My dear UFP family members,
I need to decide a very important and life-changing decision.
Due to family issues like random arguments with my parents I started to look for an own apartment. Now I found one and I have to decide til this weeks Friday if I move in or not.

I feel very weird. On the one hand I'm excited of moving out and live on my own. But on the other side I'm really scared of being all alone (there's no roommate or something like that, just me). At some time I think I should stay at home during my apprenticeship but sometimes I think that I have to move out (parents say I won't pass the apprenticeship final exams and so on)


Maybe some of you have some advice? Should I move out or stay at home?

I'm really torn apart....

[Josh Broughm]

If your parents aren't supportive in what you do, or who you become, you need to get out of that situation, if it means you metal health is being affected by them.

[Draco]

Wow... that's really tough... I am sorry to hear that.

But if I may offer some... different? advice... (probably) all people you only know online are not going to know you or your situation well enough to give you real advice. For example, I don't even know how old you are, which could be an important factor in something like this. To be clear: I'm not trying to ask your age - I'm a middle aged guy with a family, that would be beyond creepy! It was just an illustration..

So my advice? Talk to a family member you trust, or a close personal friend in real life... They will be in a much better position to offer informed suggestions or at the very least, listen to you, while you talk it through and get it all clear in your own mind that way.

Good luck whatever you end up doing!

[Silynn]

I will offer a couple of things to ponder on and apply to your decision.

First, honestly reflect on your reasons to move out. Are you running away/avoiding problems/arguments that you feel are unsolvable? In the short term, this may be appealing. Yet, it some respects you may experience long-term issues. Grudges, Unhealed Wounds tend to fester in your heart. I tend to think this is why family disputes can be the most long standing and stubborn, if not hurtful. If you can make any progress on healing the issues, I believe you would find the best possible outcome at the end.

Yet, if these fights and arguments are terribly unhealthy (physically or mental abuse), then perhaps separation may be needed. Obviously, any abuse is bad and should be reported to the proper authorities. As at that point, the law needs to handle the resolution.

If it is unhealthy, but not at the abusive level, i.e. you feel you are going crazy or feel drained emotionally *all the time*. Then perhaps start with a short term trial or break, as a compromise. Maybe you can stay with another relative or a close friend for a few months. See if you can change the winds and resolve the conflicts or at least come to an understanding of them. It's hard to fix something unless one knows what the root cause would be.

Secondly, Are you financially independent?

While in college and after, my parents (particularly my father), gave me two rules to live at home as I was legally an adult. First, that I had to follow some basic rules. Help with chores (like dishes), call if I won't be home by dinner/inform time when I would be home, no parties at night, etc. Second, pay a modest rent of $300/month (US), covered food/utilities/room.

Of course, the young and naive me didn't like some of these conditions and I argued. That is when my father gave me the best lesson/advice (imho) for life. He said, "I understand you don't like some of these, but you have two choices. Accept or becoming financially independent."

When you are financially independent and no longer attached via support to your parents, you *are* independent. You can do what you want, for good or bad. No one can tell you otherwise.

Yet if you are still dependent on your parents for living (be it room/board or money of any kind), you are somewhat obligated to your parents. As you truly are not 'living on your own' if you need help from your parents. You are trying to have your cake and eat it too.

I truly hope things settle down and work out for you and your family, where you don't feel you have to left in order to live a happy/healthy life. As I tend to believe that as much trouble a family can cause, the reverse is vastly better. A loving and supportive family greatly adds to a happy/healthy life.

[deuZige]

Like mentioned before a lot depends on the situation you're in, your age, your means and the place you're moving into. I agree that we here, knowing very little about you, are hardly the right people to turn to for advice regarding such an important decision. If you are relatively young, and i'm guessing you are based on you mentioning problems with parents and an apprentice-ship, than i'd advise to find someone you trust and is older than you. People who are in the same age range as yourself tend to have the same outlook on things, and base their actions or decisions on the same level of emotion/wisdom you do.

In my experience having moved out on my own as well as having had many friends doing the same it is very seldomly a good start and foundation upon which to build the rest of your life. I am comfortable advising you not to do it if at all possible. Things must be extra ordinarily bad between you and your parents for it to be the better choice. Almost all of those who moved out on their own i know/knew have had to admit that being self sufficient is a lot harder than they expected it to be and many have had to get help at some point from their parents to avoid either homelessness, going hungry, accumalating dept or worse.

You see it's not just getting a place, and moving in some furniture. You have to maintain the place, keep it clean and livable. You have to pay rent on time every time. Getting food, preparing food, and consuming food is going to become a bigger part of your life than you know, and that's without even considering things like variety, quality, nurishment and health which are very important aspects of food when you're the one responsible for your food every day for the rest of your life.

Moving out on your own unprepared and for other reasons than being ready for it (financially, Physically, mentally and so on) can have a significantly negative and damaging effect on your life for decades to come.

I'm not telling you you shouldn't do it! i know nothing about you, your parents, your finances or anything else for that matter except that you like star trek, and are in Germany, asking almost complete strangers for advice on life changing decisions. All i can hope to do is point out some things that you might not have taken into consideration so far and maybe even go ask these questions from someone who does know you, and who you trust, instead of asking "the internet"

[timverbesselt]

If you feel like you are ready, then you don’t have to listen to others. Just go with your own feeling, with what you want, and what you makes you happy.
If you don’t feel good in a situation, always ask yourself, how can I improve my way of living to what I want to accomplish.