[Palechimera]

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

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When I first used an elevator it was really uplifting!
But then it let me down.

[Silek]

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

[Palechimera]

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.
But it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

[Silek]

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador

[redbaaron]

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I picked up my things and right.

[Bedders]

A photon goes to check in at the airport.
The baggage handler asks "Any luggage to check?"
The photon replies "No thanks, I'm travelling light."

[Bedders]

I once tried dating a tree. She told me to Spruce myself up a bit.


I ordered 4 Kindles from Amazon. They sent me a Two Ronnies DVD.


On the way home today the gritters were out and spread salt all over my car.
I swore at them, but it was through gritted teeth.


My friend owns a DeLorean! It's fantastic. I asked her if she uses it much, but she says she only drives it from time to time.

[Petrarch]

I have many jokes about paper, but they're all tearable.

[WelshAvenger]

Would you like to hear a joke about Sodium? Na, I'm good.

[Sul-Matuul]

My friend told me that if he ever goes bald he’s getting rabbits tattooed on his head, from a distance they’ll look like hares.

[Petrarch]

I dreamed about swimming in an ocean made out of orange last night. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.

A French cheese factory exploded. Da brie is everywhere.

The spade was a truly ground-breaking invention.

I went to the zoo the other day, but it only had a single dog. It was a shihtzu.

2 melons wanted to get married in secret, but it turns out they cantaloupe.

You shouldn't tell Dad jokes if you're not a Dad, as it's something of a faux pa.

[WelshAvenger]

Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium hooked up? I was like OMg!

[Palechimera]

When I first used an elevator it was really uplifting!
But then it let me down.

[Taku]

Dad 1: I've got ants!
Dad 2: So do I, but my ants are taller than yours.

Dad 1: I also have this tube of glue.
Dad 2: And I have this gallon tin of glue.

Dad 1: I've got bread!
Dad 2: You win... I can't handle that bread, what with my glue tin 'n taller ants.

[Rockape]

When you suffer with Insomnia and Amnesia...

You know something is keeping you awake, but can't think what the hell it is.